I should probably clean out my cupboards a little more frequently.
Dear Scarborough Town Centre: might I recommend an anatomy class? These are basic and weird, even for sign people. Either that or all people are just circles, triangles and lines.
Okay guys, go buy triple-priced roses and chocolates and book a fancy dinner. Or just don’t be a jackass the other 364 days of the year. If you can pull that off, you won’t need the calendar to remind you to do nice things.
U of T student Wongene Daniel Kim unsuccessfully filed a human rights complaint against his professor. He felt he should have been excused from attending his Women and Gender Studies course because he is shy around women. In related news, another student is now fighting to be excused from attending a Culinary Arts course because he is afraid of flour, salt and ovens.
Hello, The Key Mart promo sign. So you offer “Key Cutting * Engraving * Batteries * ETC.” And now for 20% off? Yay! Oh wait…the 20% off doesn’t apply to “KEY CUTTING, WATCH BATTERIES, AND ENGRAVING.” So I guess the 20% off only really applies to the elusive “ETC.” And possibly non-watch batteries. And you must be a mall employee to take advantage of this “deal”. Hmm…maybe next time you make a sign, save yourself some time on the creative and just put “WE SUCK” in big letters?
Dear Justin Bieber: iiiiiiiiidiot. Dear Anyone Still Thinking Justin Bieber Is A Great Person: iiiiiiiiiiiiiiidiot.
Dear girls walking around today with numerous ripped holes in your jeans: I always like when Fashion Sense and Common Sense can be friends; thanks for reminding me they can also be mortal enemies. Honestly, what sane person with a shred of intelligence dresses that way in this weather? Were you going to wear your intact pants but worried people would point at you and go “Nice pants, LOSER; where’s the holes? Sure, make my imagination do ALL the work on a cold day.”
Italian man living in Ireland apparently cut open his landlord’s chest and ate one of his lungs after arguing over a chess match. I can be as competitive as the next guy but sometimes, it’s just better to let the other person win. Better to swallow your pride than to have them swallow your innards.